Ad Site Reviews

I've had the idea of this post since a long time, and I'm now putting it into action. I wanted to clarify that the ads on the right side of our page are not given by us, but are google ads. They are relevant, so that's not what bothers us. I wanted to find out and inform you of how good and relevant, or misleading the sites were when it came to mental illnesses. So here is a short review of a few of the commonly aired sites.

1. www.psychiatry24x7.com -
This site has well-documented information. It clears a lot of misconceptions regarding mental illnesses. However, at certain places, they portray a negative character as occuring 'definitely' rather than 'maybe', when the latter is the case, which can, believe me, get highly stressful for the caregivers to read. One specific piece of information that I found to be incorrect as far as my knowledge goes is that - smoking interferes with the action of medication. It is incorrect to say this, since, as the site also mentioned, the relationship between nicotine and schizophrenia is complex. I do have an article that says that nicotine actually helps controlling the symptoms of schizophrenia.

2. www.healthology.com -
This site also has good information about mental illnesses, which is not misleading. There are separate articles on schizphrenia which you can find only by doing a search. Schizophrenia is not listed in their side panel.

3. Mission Critical Psych -
This site in the ads is only about the company that provides psychological assessment for security personnel. Irrelevant for this blog.

4. Vagus Nerve Stimulation -
This site has professional information, which at times can get incoherent for the lay person.

5. HealthLine -
This site has professional, text-book information on mental illnesses.

I still didn't see the ad of Schizophrenia.com, which, even though comes with a disclaimer that it is not a substitute for professional help, provided me with the most-comprehensive and in-depth knowledge about schizophrenia, and also good social support. However, I'm so relaxed now that none of the sites I reviewed in the ads were misleading :)

Dissolving 'professionalism'

Information about the diagnosis, treatment plan, and implication of mental illnesses are often conveyed to patients, but it is quite rare that the consumers of mental health are given a say in matters pertinent to the management of their health. This dismissive (or rather ignorant) attitude towards the individuality of the patient as being the ultimate recipient of mental health care smacks of professional elitism. Through my conversation with Puzli today, I was caught unaware that I too held this subliminal attitude. I realized that I had often just told him what he should and should not do with regard to his health without even discussing the reasons for my firm beliefs. So in effect, I left him with little choice but to comply just because 'I knew better'. He also told me that he felt much happier when I would discuss issues of concern with him...that way he too felt he had a say in those pertinent matters.

Even though I have been trained in mental health, it is Puzli who is the consumer of services of mental health. He has 1st-hand experience of mental disorder, and he is the one who will take the medication, who will undergo psychotherapy, who will be the recipient of social stigma, and who will deal with the illness in his own way.
So, it is only rational that any decision pertaining to his health must involve his opinions too.

Life just went swishing by

Life nowadays seems like the blurring view of a distant building my train passes by...the image has barely registered, and I am forced to jerk my gaze to something new. I see the same buildings everyday, but the intricacies of the architecture do not imprint.

Coursing through the week, zooming from one place to another, lagging behind my schedule everyday, a dull ache permeating my bones from Wednesday itself, scanning through text and willing my brain to force meaning into those words, fighting sleep unsuccessfully,.....does this begin to sound like a rant already? I am trying to juggle so many things together. I am not doing a very good job of it. And I am not liking accepting the limitations of my capacities.

I reason with myself that I need to do all of these things together, each one is equally important, each one is a rich source of learning. I cannot give up on anything. I need all of these to pursue my Ph.D. I have already given my commitment to these things, I cannot back out now. And so on the 'reasons' (a safe word in comparison with that other dreaded word...) continue. I do not know how long I will take to get used to this routine, or whether I will get used to it at all.

So clearly, I being a 'normal person' find this frantic chase of my professional aspirations to be quite draining. Sometimes I wonder how it would be like for someone with a mental illness to hold up to this schedule in our crazily competitive world. Today, it is mostly politely conveyed to you that if you have an illness, too bad, the world would not alter its crazy rat race to accommodate your aspirations. The world would cringe a bit to see what the whole rush is about. "Job demands", you'd hear, or even that rather empty vague statement, "Life's not fair, life's tough ", or even "What can you do, you gotta adjust dude!".
Oh please, give me a real reason.

Stress

It's very often that people are pushed to their limits. However, not very often when they are asked to cross their limits of endurance. Mental as well as physical. I've done both. It seemed to me, that by repeatedly pushing myself, one step at a time, I would adapt myself to the stressors. Interestingly, I did function, did perform very well, I did live, to tell the tale...A similar problem is faced by everyone in their lives, to a lesser degree of severity than those with a mental illness. The problem is of a lesser severity. The outcome might not be. You see, I was forced to deal in a very short and tormenting span of time to learn that the necessity of realizing my limitations, and more importantly accepting the same, and of course working accordingly, was the opposite of being detrimental for my survival skills. Repeated stress had, as Soaring Heights clarified for me, weakened my ability to withstand the same.

"Time", I always said, "is against me". And I feel I'm not alone. Prioritizing is the only way to work life out your own way. I would have been very happy, had I had the incentive of a lavish life, to work out every scientific experiment myself till I derived the formulae of air resistance, proved that time is relative, worked on quantum chaos, made the C++ compiler, and on and on...However, as I said, "Time is against me", and the odds of living a life you want to live are bleak when you try to push yourself a bit too hard just to live up to somebody else's expectation. Of course, yes yes, there is a point I really missed out over here. What if that someone else's expectation is your own new expectation? What if you want to be there, do that, and live that? Then the question I must ask you is, "Is that quest on a higher priority, or is your health and happiness?" Again, what if that quest is your happiness? Fine with me. But this is what I asked myself time and again, which is a bit over the edge for most, but worked for me, "What will you do of a quest when you are dead?"

What really keeps me happy is that I know I'm giving it my best shot. And that I can still go on for more, at my own pace.

Important Note

I am writing this to clarify certain things that might make our readers move away from our blog. In my last post, there is a comment which is full of swearing in Hindi. I have had the same sort of comments on my previous blog "State of Mind", and I could see how disconnected the person's thoughts were, indicating some mental illness. We believe that since this blog is about mental illnesses, and disturbed minds with disturbing behavior, we shall not bar any such comments that portray a direct outburst of disturbing behavior. We thus ask our readers to appreciate our concern in spreading awareness from its roots, and in helping people help themselves and their loved ones.

Thanks for being with us.

Puzli and Soaring Heights

Don't worry, be happy!

I shall start this post by responding to one of the search queries that led someone to this blog. Sudarshan Kriya, the yoga form by Art of Living cures depression in 70% of the cases within 1 month, as shown by the research conducted in AIIMS, Asia's biggest hospital.

It's nice and pleasant outside. A light drizzle that took a heavier form, and then stopped. A nice productive start of the day, coding a college compiler assignment. Followed by a nice hot mug of lemon tea :)

Stretching the psychopathology and recognizing ourself from the illness is not easy, I never said it was, but most who have never been there disagree. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that my college started last week. It's been really hectic, especially considering the fact that I've been this busy after 2 years of break! A renewed sense of hope, courage and confidence is keeping me going. I already had a few friends from this batch, and they are keeping me happy. But then they were there earlier too :S Why are we happy and when are we happy? Is it an incident, a special person, or an environment conducive to happiness? I can get down, low and depressed even if a lecture I like is canceled, or a professor I don't like takes a lecture at the end of a tiring day. And I don't mean just frustrated, rather, down in the dumps. These are all triggers, environment variables that function on an underlying weakness. Beware though, this weakness is not of character, but of biology. Why would I or anyone want to be in the dumps, or as my friend used to say, hold a dumpster party? Do we think negative? There are thoughts yes. But over the years, I 've realized that they are merely thoughts generated by my brain that I really don't want and could do without. Just like those voices. These thoughts, again, are triggered by those triggers, and start a chain reaction by acting as triggers themselves. I, now, refuse to act on those thoughts; but am I happy then? No. I'm aware, and thats the step to remaining alive. There's not much I can do to push my dopamine, seratonin and other yet undiscovered stuff to work properly, except take my meds and do any alternative therapy that helps. And wait...

These states of happiness and depression, mania and withdrawal, are the emotions that all Eastern philosophers have really tried to explain. "Don't worry, be happy". Simple to speak. I'm sure you would pull out your hair if your loved one can't even follow this. But when I think of someone in depression, what reminds me of their state is - "Not only do I not know the answer, I don't even know what the question is..." (Metallica). It's like they have forgotten what happiness is, what it feels like, and what leads to it. So I ask you - How do you remain happy? How can you not be depressed? And, how do you come out of depression? Each person is different, with different neurobiology. But there's one factor that I've seen common in all my friends who are ill, and myself, which gives us a sense of hope, battling through that emptiness of bleak, dark, and decaying gardens with unseen rotting corpses of love. Yes. Love. Love and support in any form, by any being keeps us alive. It's something that gives us hope, not surprisingly, as it gives to everybody else.

I'm not saying that medication is not required. I was depressed enough to have killed myself even in love and with medication till my dosage was adjusted. The neurochemistry is a bad bad thing. What I'm saying is that if you don't have love and support, the chances of lowering the dosage of medication over time are not so good. So...

Don't worry, be happy!

Stretching psychopathology?

A disorder of the affect becomes perilous to juggle with the experience of more normal emotions and sensibilities. However, might it be possible that sometimes, the tag of the illness becomes all-pervading over the genuine emotions experienced as a part of being in any relationship? Emotions that would help in learning the dynamics of relationships, adjusting to another's viewpoint, and achieve personal growth. Might it be possible that we indulge in blatant over-pathologizing of a few distressing emotions in those with disorders of the affect?

How then, do we decide when the darker colours of an illness lend an avoidable tinge to the hues that we need to acquire to paint our life's landscape? And how does this avoidable pathologizing overshadow the merging of our individual landscapes with the landscapes of others?

Confused apologies

Strange are the ways of my mind...and yours too. Affect or emotion, comprising states varying to a degree such that they even pose a challenge to chaotic equations. What might be the attractors? Hmm....enough post-grad mathematics.

It's not those thoughts that make me miserable, those disturbing thoughts that surface now and then. Or my actions towards others, a constant cycling between irritation, anger, fury...and serenity. It is the reaction I get. From these people, from the ones I love. Emotions and the actions that link to them can make or break relationships. And when you have a disorder of the affect, your actions never get linked to it. People are not willing to accept your illness for the simple fact that such heightened emotions are, in effect, emotions. How can you judge someone differently on the basis of something that is innate in everyone?

This poses a weird dilemma but nonetheless a great challenge to the bearer of this illness. The question he or she must ask is - to what extent can you let your excuses flow? What are you and what is the illness? Are you willing to take action to correct something that was beyond your control? Will you say sorry? Or is it against your very Self who never decided to be ill. But what really drives you down then is, how long you can feel bad with that confusion of guilt inside.

I've gone through this all. And I've have come out of the confusion only with the help of Soaring Heights. I have realized when to say sorry. Even if it was not under my control. As she told me, just apologize saying that you couldn't help it as it was not under your control. It would be their problem not to understand you. You have played your part.

Puzli and I...and some more

The journey till this blog seems like a stroll down a quaint tree-lined, dewed-leaves strewn forest path where the wind blows a tad towards the rougher drift sometimes. There is a lot that we have learnt from each other; a million other little tidbits still remain.
Getting to know Puzli personally forced me to tear off the distantly contemplating mask donned by the field of mental health, and delve deep into the view from the other side of the fence. It forced me to experience the experience of mental illness. I reviewed my perceptions, reviewed the knowledge I had acquired. My process of learning using this two-way perspective has been astonishingly dynamic and continues to be increasingly enriching as the pieces of the puzzles slowly seem to fall in place.
As I continue to revise and hone my basic conceptions of mental health, I thought it was finally time that I responded to Puzli's questions raised in this blog.

• I start from the blog titled A new hope (for everyone). Puzli had raised a question about the age of onset of schizophrenia, and what could be constituted as early-onset schizophrenia. The usual notion shared among many health professionals (and I was one of them) was that for schizophrenia, onset in the early or mid-teens would be considered as early onset. But as it turns out, a very early onset would be somewhere below 8-10 years of age. I believe there are quite few cases of florid psychosis with onset that early. You can read a true life example here. An early onset case would develop into full-blown psychosis in early-to-mid teens. The usual trend is for fragmentary occurrences of hallucinations and delusions in early teens and a gradual build-up of these unnatural experiences to florid psychosis by late teenage or early adulthood. This latter experience, which Puzli also went through, would come in the gray area, and most mental health professionals would hesitate to term it has truly early onset.

• In Confronting confrontations , Puzli spoke about the stigma towards people with mental health problems from mental health professionals. I contend that a strong stigma does exist against psychiatric patients. And ironically, people who treat the patients themselves (?un)wittingly stigmatize. I can see some of the reason for this. Psychiatrists and psychologists mostly see psychiatric patients who are at the peak of their episodes of mental illness. Continually facing these patients as a necessary demand of our work sometimes makes us bleak about the possibility of recovery from mental illness. And therefore the skeptical raise of the eyebrow when we come across a patient with a severe disorder like schizophrenia in full remission. Am I trying to justify the attitude? Nah. Merely thinking of reasons for the behaviour. Fine it exists. But do we make peace with the fact that just because you are in contact with severely disturbed individuals, you adopt this cynical attitude to the possibility of a cure, and twirl your holier-than-thou lip upward while you pat yourself on your back for having acquired your 'coveted' degree in mental health? Nah. Because you are trained to understand the symptoms of the person you are treating without passing a personal judgement on him/her. Trained to separate the person from the illness. More on the stigma in a later post.

A dive into the issues connected to mental health and I surface with a penny for your thoughts...