EE

I was at my psychiatrist's place the other day, and a patient had come with his old mother. He was agitated, restless, and angry. His mom kept on saying that he should have driven faster because she had seen the speedometer at 40kmph and that a car will stop running at such a low speed. And the man kept on saying that the traffic was such that he couldn't move faster.

I've noticed a change in my family dynamics especially since the beginning of this year. And I realized that this overprotective nature of my parents, this over expressed-emotion (EE) really takes down anyone emotionally. The only difference in the case of somebody with a mental illness is that they are not able to cope with it and spiral further downwards.

My dad reduced his EE, when, after I came back home he told me that he won't bug asking me over and over again about my studies as he used to think that I am not serious about it. He stuck to his word. He had shouted earlier at me as to why I was on the computer all the time. He now apologized saying that he never realized that since my work is on the computer (I'm doing computer engineering), how I could not be on it the whole day.

It was still tough going with my mom. She was overprotective and used to stress up too much about every little detail. She would keep on asking questions about what happened during the day, how will this work out, what will I do about that, and so on...The turning point came after we (my sister and I) sent her on a month long vacation. We stayed away from each other for so long for the first time in our lives. During this time, I was managing everything on my own, and very well. I didn't need anyone to tell me how to do every little thing. When my mom came back, she had changed. She herself told me not to tell her everything and do my stuff on my own, which made me think that this whole circle was about she asking, me telling and me telling so that she wouldn't get tense, which made me tense...This circle self-imposed to a certain magnitude a sense of control by my family. That for me was unacceptable. That for me was a part of my blown-out-of-proportion delusion.

The extent EE plays a role in affecting a person can really mess everything up or brighten up the future. It makes somebody with an illness feel completely worthless and low, or make them independent to a great extent.

So what exactly is Clinical Depression?

The word depression gets thrown around wildly in many a casual conversation. Nevermind that the origin of the depression might just be a teeny-tiny stress that may be transitory. So when clinical depression gets discussed, most people assume that it is just a more severe extension of your normal everyday 'depression'. Though this notion makes logical sense, clinical depression is sometimes aeons different from what we might experience in our daily lives.
What Clinical Depression, also known as Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) in mental health jargon, probably shares with its 'normal' counterpart is a depressed mood and maybe a decreased interest in activities. However, the more important concomitants of MDD are the ones that truly impair daily functioning. The range of these symptoms according to the (unevenly flawed) 'bible' for mental health professionals, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV, text revision (DSM IV TR) published by the American Psychiatric Association, is quite wide. But I shall halt my criticism for the DSM IV TR for MDD. The gamut of diagnostic symptoms such as marked disturbances in sleep, appetite, changes in weight, cognitive symptoms of disturbances in attention, concentration, decision-making, and memory, emotional symptoms of feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt, disturbances in psychomotor activity, and recurrent ideas about ending one's life are quite often seen in most patients. So the DSM IV TR does pull off a decent job of describing clinical depression.
I have merely (and intentionally) skimmed through the exact nature or pattern of manifestation of the symptoms, as clinical depression cannot be diagnosed reading blogs off the net. It requires a thorough clinical history and examination of the concerned patient. What you could do is pay close attention whether the person you are concerned about has a lot of difficulty getting through life lately due to a dirty combination of these varied symptoms. And take him/her to a mental health professional for appropriate intervention.

Light through a never-ending end, that end is the beginning

A long long time of solitude. A lot has happened. My exams went by well, but in a state of depression. Emotional solitude was and is still unmatched. I had to take a train and go to my university which is around 7 hours away. And I haven't seen this much corruption in my whole life as I saw in that single day...followed by the death of a close friend's mother. Life can really jolt you out of that state of happiness, and make all seem drab, if only you could feel. Slogging on just to slog, working just because the will is there, to set things right. Even now that the problems due to communication problems between Soaring Heights and me have cleared away, a relief, but this emptiness, this void continues. How long before we next meet, how long can I hold on this longing to be with her...questions still unanswered. The will is still there within this void. Life still is beautiful. Love will never die. I have survived.